you know what's the worst thing in my life? It's when I've taken a full control over my mind and emotion, but, in the same time, i have the urge to shout out my feeling. Shout it out loud. But, hell i can't. I'm not the same with who I used to be. Hell, i'm not a kid for more. I shouldn't act like that. I should act like any adult outside there, who's able to control their emotion perfectly. My dad is a real good - excellent- example. If I lost my 12 million laptop and my 2 million digital camera and the other 5 USB with big memories and so many important data there, I will, well ... I must be slammed the door as hard as I can, shout at everyone, and I will chase the robber to death, I swear I will. But what's my dad doing? He kept murmuring "well, it's only bad luck" and that's all. He's still able to smile at me. He's still able to go through the time happily, but I know. I do know, that his heart must be broken into pieces. oh god. And, well now, what is it? It's only an unreasonable love. And I act like a dumb? Guess it's stupid. But, well, i'm stupid then. I'm fainted. I'm fainted for thinking him too much. I don't have any appetite, or something like that. I only staring at the screen, that I skip so many turn in Naruto Arena that I lost often. I don't want to study. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to watch tv. I just want to think about him. What the hell is this? Oh no, we're not going to say it love. I'm not going to fall in love with a poor man. No. Hell I won't. I'm not going with a